You can't really come in with a preconceived notion that you can be mean to someone because something that is a part of their life that is not their fault but may be the fault of those around them happens to hurt you in offense to them. It tends to change the way people think and make it a big deal that it happened.
Also, why do you think you can like hurt and overwhelm someone because you spent too much time thinking about the wrong things?
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